The Four Reasons Why I Hate Family Reunions

1) They should be called "The Start of Family Feuds" rather than "Family Reunions." First, my mother and Aunt Tamara got in a fight before leaving (on who was going to bring down my Grandfather, who poops himself in the car and refuses to wear a grown-up diaper). Then, because we ended up taking both of my two aunt's cars down and not my mother's, my mother drove with my Aunt Annette and my father drove down with My Aunt Tamara. All seven cousins and myself were put into one or the other car. On the way back, my Aunt Annette got in a huge fight with my mother because she told her not to follow my dad on the way back. The fight got so bad that my aunt pulled over the car and told my mom to get out.

2) On the way down I was placed in the back with my over 300 pounded grandfather. They placed a towel on his seat. Now, I know he is my grandfather and I am not supposed to make fun of him and love him, but I just cannot help it. He is so helpless and rude! First of all he lives down the road from me and has known me all seventeen years of my life! And you would think he would know my name was ALYSSA by now, not MELISSA. But noooo. So anyways, he sits in and says, "Melissa, buckle me up." I tell him it is right where mine is and point to mine. And he continues to tell me to buckle him up. So I tell him "My name is not Melissa! It's Alyssa!" And grab the seatbelt out of his hands and buckle his fat belly in. The whole two hour ride down to the coast he is shoving his face with food. And it is the grossest thing I have ever witnessed. He sits there with his eyes as round as saucers just staring at it as it enters his mouth. And he MOANS as he chews every single bite. He ate a WHOLE bag of chips in three handfuls! When we reach the house he says, "Melissa! Unbuckle me, I can't find how to get out." And I say, "AH-LYSS-AH! And you press the big red button that says PUSH." Yet, I still end up pushing it for him. Then he says to my aunt "When the hell am I getting some food? I get dizzy-wizzy when I don't eat." And I'm thinking, dizzy-wizzy? Don't eat? So my aunt gives him ANOTHER banana to which he says, "This is my third banana." And she tells him not to eat it then. And he says, "Nope I will, but I am just saying that I get batter service and food at McDonalds." I wanted to slap him and roll his fat butt right out of the car.

3) My family who we were going down to visit doe snot want us there in the first place. They invite us every year at their last day there and they kick us all outside to eat on the porch. We are pretty much not allowed to go inside. The whole time we are there I can feel there eyes watching me and just hear them whisper that they just want us to leave. Yet, my mom is too oblivious to this and puts on her stupid fake happy smile and tells everyone else to stop acting miserable. No one would go if it was not for her. It is like my mom has this filter; she cannot read people's expressions and tell when she is not wanted. The whole time we were there she was telling me to put on shorts and my bathing suit. I said no every single time and she kept getting mad at me. Like I am going to go swimming in an ocean that is 30 degrees! She on the other hand has decided lately to start wearing teen clothes. I even look older than her now. She is 44 years old! And she is wearing this bright orange and purple striped tank top that makes her boobs fall out, and these short little mini shorts from the teen aisle. On top of that, she is wearing a teen bikini that is RAINBOW. The last time I wore a bright rainbow suit was when I was eleven. I realize that she is small and doesn't look her age just yet, but seriously? Why can't she just wear clothes that are little more for her age? It's so embarrassing!

4) I get bombarded by little kids. I love kids, but I don't like it when they give me a makeover and make me play stupid games. I would be fine playing normal house with them, but instead one of the little girls who is my cousin took me upstairs to her room with her baby brother where we played her version of "Teenagers" We spent a half an hour running to random spots in her room and sitting down and then getting up pretending that each spot was a different temperature pool. It was exhausting, by the time I reached the "pool" and sat down she would be up again running to a different spot. Then she decided to go into her mothers room and start putting on her mother's lingerie. Not like I can just rip it off her. And while we're playing I am describing my prom to her and next thing I know her little brother is looking down her pants and she goes, "Uh oh, he's looking at my private parts." And as soon as she says that her father opens the door. How embarrassing is that? A little after she decides to give me a "makeover" in which her brother rubs eye shadow all over my cheeks, and she gives me scars all over my face with eyeliner. Then she colors my bottom lip in brown and the top red... My mom comes up and says we have to leave and shows me off to everyone as they laugh. And I don't even get a chance to wipe it off before I leave. So I looked like a scary girl the whole way home.

Oh, and here are some of the prom pictures :) All can be viewed here!